1st Place – Winning Score: 18.67/20 (4.33 – 5 – 5 – 4.33)
Feedback from the Judges
From Gina: Great idea for a collaboration Ang… Your desire to support your audience and impact your industry shines loud and clear. Love it! Regarding your letter, first see my note to Jayne regarding leading with a proposal based letter. Second, I’d love to see the close of your proposal be as strong as the opening. This sentence “I know I can’t do it alone and with you behind me it will have a greater chance to succeed…” Even though this is a truth, you want to be careful that your potential partner doesn’t feel “used.” A quick re-spin to focus on what you say next which hones in on the goal you both share would tighten it up. Good luck!
From Tea: This is a great idea Ang, I think you could really take this one far. To improve on what you’ve got: trim down your third paragraph a bit — he doesn’t need every iteration to get your point. Under Why Me, you might want to include a link or two to examples of your work so he can see you know what you’re talking about. Also, give him more than “I’m happy to write this from start to finish.” Maybe you also say, “Would love to have you write as much or as little as you’re comfortable with — even if that’s just the forward to the book.” Also – are there any books out there now (maybe not official workbooks, but books available thru Amazon)? Address the top sellers and why yours is better/different. You might also look at writing a real book proposal and using that as part of your pitch to him.
From Nick: “If I got this pitch, I’d love how much attention to detail you’ve put in to it. I couldn’t find a thing I didn’t like. From the WIIFM (what’s in it for me) to the what’s in it for them – to the pitch, the whole project proposal, the outline of how payment will work – the structure of the project itself and where it’s going – brilliant. Well done!”
Runner Up Score: 18.33/20 (4.33 – 5 – 5 – 4)
Feedback from the Judges
From Gina: Very well thought out and detailed. Love that you’ve already connected and are fine-tuning the scope of the project. Good luck with it!
From Tea: This looks like a great project, Evelyn. You covered all the bases — except I’d asked that these letters be no longer than 2 pages (which is where I took points off). It’s SO complete in fact that I’m worried your potential partner will be overwhelmed. Perhaps if you scheduled a coffee date and discussed things in person first, you could follow up with this letter and it would feel less overpowering. It all depends on how deep your relationship is with her already.
From Nick: “Yup. End-to-end perfection. You kept the customer in mind, set a realistic sales goal, and you talked to your potential partner in their own language, keeping them forefront. The process outline was really clear and you gave solid expectations for what was required from each of you. You even told her up-front how you’d pitch the project to your own network! Nothing is worse than group work with a partner who just doesn’t care! You totally eliminate that worry up front. So smart. I might not have understood all of it (I’m not in that market), but I’d have a hard time saying no to a pitch organized like this if it was a partner propositioning me. Solid work!”
Play-at-Home 1st Place Score: 18.5/20 (4 – 4.5 – 5 – 5)
Feedback from Tea: Stacey, this is nearly perfect. It’s the right tone and length based on the relationship you have with Nadine. I also love that you’re leveraging the full power of Kripalu — that’s very creative. They’re definitely a huge credibility factor for you both and their marketing resources would certainly help you make this an even bigger success. I’d be interested in seeing how you propose that you and Nadine promote the event (and capture emails). Keep us informed as to outcome!
Play-at-Home Runner Up Score: 18/20 (3.5 – 4.5 – 5 – 5)
Feedback from Tea: Jessica, love this letter. Especially the fact that you’re not sending a cold pitch. And because it’s a mix of in-person and online and that you’re leveraging your existing travel expenses to Portland. Way to think beyond the norm.
See the rest of the fabulous work submitted this week by clicking the links in the comments on this page.